What I like most about the Yoko WordPress theme is the simplicity. Choosing a theme for my blog reminded me of picking out the eternal resting place for Jason’s ashes. I had no idea so many repulsive options for urns existed until I was hunched over a highly polished table at the funeral home flipping through a catalogue. It was such a strange day to begin with because I woke up thinking maybe the previous morning was just a horrible dream, but then my fingers felt the itchy wool blanket the hospital gave me in exchange for my husband. Apparently the hospital has a program that involves volunteers graciously knitting blankets which cover deceased moms, dads, brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, wives and of course husbands. And then the person left behind gets to take the blanket home. Yay. Jason’s blanket was dark gray and made of wool. He would have liked the color but I bet he would have said it was a little too heavy for Spring, and far too scratchy against bare skin. I know I sound unappreciative of this “blanket in exchange for husband” gesture but I’m not…I just find sleeping next to a wool blanket far less comforting than sleeping next to Jason.
My apologies, I completely got off track. The day after Jason died was full of tasks I wanted no part of, such as casket shopping, picking out stationary, writing an obituary, coming up with poems and quotes to summarize his extraordinary life, creating playlists of heart-wrenching songs, compiling photos for a slide show, and finally picking out the urn. Exactly 26 hours had passed since “I’m sorry, we did all we could to save him but he didn’t make it” traveled from a doctor’s mouth and into my ears. And now I’m sitting at a table along with my parents and some of Jason’s family trying to determine the details of our final event together. The absurdity of the entire situation felt completely overwhelming and I suppose that is why having a sense of humor is really the only way to survive such a shitty day.
It should be noted that Jason loved Apple products. If Apple made it, he owned it. He adored their gadgets because of the clean lines and subtlety. They are elegant yet simple, functional yet aesthetically pleasing, expensive yet long-lasting. I felt like he would have wanted the same in an urn which is why I initially felt frustrated when I began perusing our options. There were seemingly endless choices of tacky floral patterns and urns adorned with gold trim or shiny bobbles. It seemed like many of the options were designed to attract birds. Birds like flowers and shiny things…but Jason did not. In fact Jason didn’t even like birds so I didn’t want to put him in anything that would encourage a feathered visitor, not that I was going to put the urn outside but if for some reason a bird got into the house then I didn’t want it perching on Jason. I jokingly asked the funeral director if they had any options manufactured by Apple and he knew exactly what I was looking for as soon as I uttered the somewhat inappropriate comment. He immediately came to my left side and flipped to page 276. And there it was…the iUrn. Okay, it wasn’t really called the iUrn but if Apple was going to make urns then it would have been this one. It was made of dark unpolished wood and was just a simple rectangular box with straight lines. I could have added a shiny plaque on top with Jason’s name but I felt like that would be “too busy” so I kept it simple.
I picked Jason up a week after his funeral. I really just wanted him home…or as close to home as he could be now. His urn matches our bedroom furniture…and I feel like that is important because it took us almost two years to find bedroom furniture that met Jason’s strict requirements. He had very discerning taste which is amusing considering he ended up with me. I wear pajamas with holes in them, socks that don’t match and clothes from 2007. I do have excellent taste when it comes to urns though…