I'm a record with a scratch across it and the needle is stuck on April 13th, 2014. The absence of Jason seems more acute now than it did months ago. I keep reliving the day before the race and the day of...as if the (almost) 6 years preceding the event never happened. I replay how … Continue reading 2014 Can Suck It.
I am a sponge absorbing the pain of the world today. I cannot stop crying and the tears falling aren't just for Jason but tears for everyone...and everything shitty that seems to be happening everywhere I turn. I avoid the news for this very reason but today bad news is inescapable. I heard about a horrible car … Continue reading And I Ran…
Last night was the first meeting of the "loss of a spouse" support group. I had no idea what to expect since my only experiences were the scenes from Fight Club. I was the youngest member as expected but I still felt an immediate connection with the rest of the club that nobody wants to be a member … Continue reading Am I Turning Soft?
I had to put Jason's dog Dieter to sleep on Wednesday morning. It was clearly time and I had been postponing for purely selfish reasons. He went very peacefully and I stayed with him throughout the process. I cried all over his face and his ears were completely soaked but I don't think he minded. I … Continue reading First there were 6 and now there are 4
Last night I wrote Jason a letter in my private journal reserved for only him. I wanted to make sure he knew it was okay to visit me in my dreams or give me any kind of sign that some essence of him was still present. Unlike many other people left behind I rarely, if … Continue reading Attachment Leads to Suffering, or the Desire to Clone Dead Husbands and Dogs