Biting the Heads off Gingerbread Men

All of my neighbors were on ladders today putting up holiday decorations.  The yards are littered with inflatable snowmen and wicker reindeer trapped in tangles of lights.  It’s like Clark Griswold took a shat on everything.  Makes me wish I lived in an apartment complex full of Jehova’s Witnesses.   That sounds really Scroogy but I can’t help it…I just want to get this over with already.  The next 25 days will be like pulling off a bandaid very slowly and watching the arm hairs rip from their roots.

I was outside today too washing Jason’s truck and mowing the leaves to avoid the laborious task of raking them.  Most of my neighbors said hello but some wouldn’t even make eye contact.  I’d like to tell them ‘death of a spouse’ isn’t contagious but I think some people keep their distance because they’re uncomfortable around me.  I get it.  I’m uncomfortable around me most of the time too, and being alone with me is the worst.  I never know exactly what to say to myself to make it feel better.  I mostly just feel crazy.

My amazing friend just sent me this quote minutes ago and it fits our conditions perfectly.



3 thoughts on “Biting the Heads off Gingerbread Men

  1. Looking ahead at the season is daunting. I keep reminding myself, one moment at a time… In one book I read on sudden loss, many of the people the author interviewed said they were crazy the whole first year. Thanks for the quote. I love it.


  2. Your band-aid analogy is right on… Everyone knows the way to make it hurt the least is to just get it over with. It feels like being tortured, seeing this month stretching ahead with no way to speed it up – and everyone who’s being normally Christmassy is contributing to that torture, it feels personal. There’s no way to say that without being labelled a Scrooge, it is what it is. I wish we could all hibernate until it’s over.


  3. Your analogies are spot on, I often think that same about death of a spouse is not contagious. Early on it surely felt that so many people stayed away in fear of catching my sadness. These next 25 days + will be a true test of our being. I wish I could hibernate all winter.


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