I think I found the bottom. I thought I had been here before but this is an entirely different place. I never realized depression could be so physical but the weight on my chest just keeps intensifying until I can barely breathe. If one more person tells me I just need to get out and do something to get my mind off things I’ll probably lunge towards them with something blunt.
The problem is that I want to walk my dog, I want to be engaged in a book, I want to exercise, I want to make dinner that doesn’t come in a frozen block, I want to just feel happiness…but I can’t see the point in doing any of these things. It takes every ounce of energy I have to come to work and pretend like I’m okay when I’m not. All I desire to do is crawl back into my bed and just sleep because that’s the only time I get a break from feeling utterly and completely hopeless.
I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. I’m so tired of pretending and holding back the emotions and tears. Dying just sounds like the best outcome and the only way to make the pain stop.