Going out last night was the right choice. It pried me out of my head which has been a treacherous and slippery place lately. It was the anxiety of not knowing how I’d be treated and feeling like I’d be an unwelcomed intruder among my friends. I had created in my head an image of distrusting and disgusted looks on peoples’ faces and an atmosphere full of disdain. This was not the case at all. Sure, there were a few people who didn’t talk to me and that’s okay. I admittedly said some harsh things about someone we all care about and I expected there to be some consequences. I apologized and did the best I could to repair it and that is all I can do besides not make the same mistake again.
The past 18 months have been a roller-coaster of grief, sadness, despair and hopelessness. There have also been moments of happiness and euphoria so I can’t allow myself to forget those memories too. It was hope that lured me out of my shell on January 4th and I thought 2015 would be better and easier. It hasn’t been for the most part and the year has been full of blunders and missteps. But I survived 2014 which was something I never imagined I could do and I’ve made it through most of 2015 with only a few scars that will eventually heal. I have no idea what 2016 will hurl at me but I think I’m starting to get the courage to hurl it right back!