The Purge

My Hulu binges keep getting interrupted by the same fucking trailer for The Purge: Election Year.  I’m too cheap to upgrade my subscription and generally I don’t mind the ads because it gives me a chance to pour some whiskey and get more string cheese.  However this Purge preview is getting really obnoxious because it lasts entirely too long and looks like something Slipknot would create, only much worse. What annoys me the most is the failed attempt to look like a sexy and edgy movie.  The trailer shows a bunch of blood-covered idiots wearing masks reminiscent of the old carny days, and these images are juxtaposed with people who resemble the typical Wal-Mart shopper/Trump supporter talking about how they too purged for the good of the country. The snippet with some masked bitch seductively licking the blood off a knife is what really burns my vagina like a raging case of chlamydia.

I haven’t watched any of the previous Purge films because I’m too busy viewing something meaningful and culturally significant, such as all six seasons of The Jersey Shore or 16 and Pregnant.  I haven’t watched any of the 18 Saw movies either because it’s just shock gore, and frankly the horror genre has become saturated by these underwhelming and unimaginative films.  I’m currently questioning whether or not I should even call

To be fair I like the premise behind The Purge and culling the herd at least once a year is a fantastic idea!  Fuck, I’d make it once a month.   I would probably start by purging the creators of this series and from there I would go after terrible writers such as the 3rd grader who wrote Fifty Shades of Grey.  On a side note check out the link below courtesy of The Stranger which is one of the best sources of news and entertainment on the planet, and just one of the many reasons I miss Seattle.

Fifty Terrible Lines from Fifty Shades of Grey

My point is that a great idea has been ruined by poor execution and representation.  If the idea is to kill people with no consequences then why would you wear a fucking mask, unless you just like masks…which I happen to love but I’m not going to risk getting blood on my squirrel head.  I also find it very doubtful that all of these deranged murderous people would all love masks enough to wear them during killing sprees. The eye holes never seem to match up correctly and they don’t breathe well…that’s a terrible combination if you’re out and about stabbing people or chopping off heads with a guillotine.  Yes, they actually show this in the preview and it looks just as retarded as it sounds.

Maybe Hulu is purposefully running this trailer ad nauseam  because they want us all to upgrade our subscriptions to avoid the ads, but then that wouldn’t make sense because Hulu makes money off ads??  Anyway, the point is that I needed to purge my anger towards my shows being fucking interrupted by this ridiculous clusterfuck atrocity of a movie.

I don’t feel any better by the way…the trailer came on while I was composing that last paragraph.

 

 

 

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