Nurse Ratched is a Cunt

I don’t even know where or how to start this story.  But I’ll try.

So this past Tuesday I was feeling depressed as I do most all of the time but in a much bigger way because my heart hurt, and usually it’s just my brain I am fighting against.  The heart is a reputable opponent.  Little fucker.  I decided to take 38 more Xanax than what was prescribed.  Yeah, it was on purpose but I didn’t dare tell any of the three psychiatrists I had to meet with that information.  I told them I thought someone slipped something in my drink.  Turns out that someone was me and I chased it down with a vodka and soda water.

I guess I sent out some questionable texts that night because let’s face it…I didn’t really want to die but I needed someone to save me.

I remember nothing after swallowing those pills.  I woke up in a fucking hospital with a real-life Nurse Ratched sitting smugly in a chair across from me.  I didn’t know how I got there or how long I was going to be stuck there.  I was involuntarily checked in which means I had no control over my freedom at that point.  They wouldn’t let me have a book, a piece of paper, a pen or pencil, make a phone call or even take a piss.  They also denied me water.  I kept pleading for water and she ignored me.  I kept pleading to use the bathroom and she continued to ignore me.  So I peed right there in that fucking bed.  And then I pulled the IV’s out of my hand and arms which meant blood shot everywhere.  It was glorious and epic.  One of my prouder moments.

I managed to get released the next day by stringing together a bunch of bullshit lies and here I am.  Sitting in a hotel room alone three hours from home.  Wanting so badly to go out and mingle and be social, but knowing how awkward I am and how difficult I find it to make friends.  I even took extra Adderall but all it is doing is making me sweat more.  Not a good quality if you’re trying to infiltrate a social circle.

Also I have my dog with me and he freaked out when I just slipped out of the room to grab some ice for the liquor I thoughtfully brought along for this journey.  Maybe we’ll just take a walk after the sun goes down and I’ll listen to my headphones and think about how I botched it, and how next time I’ll plan it out better.

I’m not proofreading this so if there are grammatical errors or misspellings I really don’t give a rat’s ass.

Fuck you Nurse Ratched.  Cunt.  I’ll outwit you one of these days…

 

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