I haven’t fought with my mother since I sported flannel and Dr. Martens in the 90’s, and even back then our biggest fight was over me sneaking out of the house when I was 15 to meet my 18-year old boyfriend. It was critical that I watch him skateboard for hours in a K-Mart parking lot.
Recently my mom drove the two hours to my house from Virginia to babysit my dog while I had a day/night out with a friend. I arrived home around 11pm properly sauced and smelling like I used IPA scented body wash. All was peachy that evening until the name which I am finding harder and harder to speak came up in our conversation. You know the one I’m talking about…starts with a “T” as in turd and rhymes with dump. The screaming match ended around 3am with my mom in tears and threatening to drive back home. Fortunately, I talked the 73-year old lady with poor eyesight out of maneuvering the sharp curves back to her house in the middle of bumfuck. But she woke up as soon as the sun rose and left before 7am. I was really counting on her to buy me brunch on Sunday so I was bummed. I felt bad about our fight and did end up apologizing later that day (even though she’s still wrong).
My relationship with my parents has been strained since November 2016. It becomes more and more challenging for me to come to terms with the fact they are still staunch Trump supporters despite the growing mountain of excrement the little mad man shits out on a daily basis. I avoid their phone calls and make up excuses for not going to visit them because I cannot watch Fox News, which is always on in their living room, for even 5 seconds without wanting to hurl something heavy at the television. These two people I have respected (mostly) and depended on my entire life are total strangers to me now and we don’t see eye to eye on anything. I’m wondering if I should look for my real parents even though they insist I wasn’t adopted. A girl can hope…
But the real issue isn’t my parents because they’re easy to dodge and they live two hours away. They’re also old and their views about the world have been tainted ever since we moved to the south so I can write their poor choices off as dementia and relocation costs. The trouble is with my coworkers…and there is no escape or method of avoidance unless I quit my job, which I would love to do but I need money now more than ever, especially if I plan to offer a hefty dowry to a Norwegian citizen (male or female, I don’t care) who will marry me away from all this madness and mayhem. Of course there are Russian and Chinese mail-order brides because nobody wants to live in those countries…but who fucking wants to live here either these days? Am I too old to be a mail-order bride seeking refuge in a nice neutral locale?
The office I work in is very conservative, and when I say conservative I mean like there are still bitches who wear pantyhose in the summer because it is un-ladylike to show leg. We weren’t even allowed to have a yoga lunch-n-learn because it was too “religious.” Yes, our HR Department thinks yoga is a religion. They’re all that fucking dumb, which is why I shouldn’t be totally surprised that 95% of them voted for that bloated pile of feces people are still referring to as our “President.” How dare they!
I come to work now and retreat straight to my office where I stay unless I get water, pee out the water or encounter a situation requiring me to conduct a face-to-face meeting with someone I no longer consider a reasonable human being. I had friends (yes, I’m using the past tense because I don’t associate with them much anymore) who did indeed become red right under my nose! And these are people who I thought were logical and intelligent, and one of them is even a Hispanic female. It’s fucking mind-blowing! I’ve become withdrawn from the environment in which I have to devote 40+ hours of my life to every week. I never imagined I’d be so isolated but it gets worse every single time that fucker opens his mouth to spew word vomit, which has been flowing like a continuous stream of sewage since the day he was born. I feel hostile towards my situation and I’m stuck.
I trudged up the stairs this morning composing my resignation letter in my head. All it was going to say is “I can no longer work with lunatics or people who are just too proud to admit they made a mistake. They know they fucked up but can’t bring themselves to apologize. Therefore, I quit.” And then I was going to do a mic-drop and take off my cardigan revealing one of my various anti-Trump t-shirts. But then I thought about my dog’s vet bills and my recent subscription to a monthly book club, and a candy club (I like getting shit in the mail, okay) and also my reinstatement of HBO so I can watch new seasons of Insecure, High Maintenance and Togetherness. I want to feel guilty about my excess but I truly have no life outside of my house…so my friends live in the TV and I must pay companies to send me gifts. Queue the sad violin music.
I am compromising myself by working alongside these people I cannot stand to look at or talk to, and that leaves me feeling angry or sad at the end of each day. I am being completely honest when I say I don’t know how to reconcile this issue in my head. Work was miserable before Trump but now it is unbearable.
I am sure there are many other people in my shoes so how do you do it? How do you show up to work with a smile instead of noise-canceling headphones, or a sledge-hammer.
Yeah, yeah…It takes all kinds to make the world go round…but does it, really?? Does that bullshit still hold water in the current climate? No. No, it doesn’t.